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Archive for January, 2017

Since Herb and I hadn’t had a picture taken together since 1999, Christmas 2016 seemed a great opportunity to order photographs for our family. I called and made an appointment with a local photographer, sent the blue dress I loved to the dry cleaners, and pondered what else I could do for a fresh new look.

With immense trepidation I walked to the bathroom. The mere act of examining my face in the ultra-magnifying mirror that lunged in my direction from a cold metal arm bolted to the wall near my sink, tortured my very soul. (Warning: This in-depth examination is not recommended for pre-teens or females under the age of thirty as it destroys a fragile self-image.) Every line or blemish shown twenty times its actual size, which is still a good 10 times smaller than it appeared in my mind. (In your mind it is the size of a saucer and a flashing red light draws everyone’s attention to the imperfection.) A simple answer lay in the bowels of my computer, UTube.

I have used Merle Norman cosmetics since I was nineteen year old and although I have used many other eye makeups, I still use Merle Norman foundation and blush. My color is so “fair”, a polite way to say anemic, that they don’t carry it in stock and it has to be special ordered. (How white are you? Well, remember in the 1980’s when we went to the consultant to have our color done. You wore no makeup and covered up your hair and then she told you what “season” you were. She told me, “Honey, there’s so little color you could be anything.” I digress.)

UTube provided several resources on how to reshape my eyebrows. “Choose the shape closest to your own.” That was easy. Each time I had my make-up professionally applied the makeup-artist chose “oriental.” (Why are they called artist? Is our makeup really troweled on as thick as a Picasso?) As a teen, my mother did not allow me to shape my eyebrows. We had to go “natural”. In my own mind my brow beheld a hairy earthworm reclining across my forehead. While I had tweezed my brows before, they were in sore need of attention. As the UTube lady suggested, I got out my longest eyebrow pencil and marked where the brow should start, arch, and end. Yahoo! Just connect the dots.

I chose to forego the cat eye or Smokey eye fads and just stay with the “I’m way too old for that” look. (We did the cat thing back when Liz Taylor was Cleopatra and we called it “the Cleopatra.” Sorry, I digress again.) Dust the lid with powder. Shadow should be light and contouring as dark would only make them appear smaller. Since my husband already referred to my green orbs as “beady little eyes”, smaller was not the look I was going for. Eyeliner needed to be thin lines on the lid so once again I made dots and connected them.  (Notice a trend there.) A little mascara  and a quick crunch of the eyelash curler, and I was done. A Q-tip took care of any imperfections. Actually, it took me a couple swabs, because too much came off and I had to reapply. You know what I mean.

It was time for me to master the art of face sculpting. It started with concealer. I’ve used this many times before under each eye, but they suggested a large swath going from each corner of my eye and down to mid-cheek. And speaking of my checks, until I sucked in my cheeks like the lady in the video, I didn’t’ realize how high my cheekbones really were. Bones appeared above full creamy cheeks that had filled in my barely visible dimple. With a steady hand I daubed on the Sugar-Melon blush. Since this was just a practice round and I didn’t have any contouring makeup I used my taupe eye shadow and filled in along my jaw. Then the UTube lady said, “Use your sponge and blend to define and accentuate your features”. You can see from the photo of me, I certainly needed something to finish my “new look”. I chose instead of a makeup sponge to use Dial soap and a wash rag. Rub, rub a dub, dub.

On the day of our appointment, I wore my new eyebrows and left the “new me” as just a humble memory. They can all love me just the way I am.

 

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